i saw a three legged dog today...

i was on my way to work... just walking to the subway, and this man was walking this dog. and he only had three legs. he looked kinda like this:
cute huh.

welcome to the funhouse...

so my cousin's wedding is fourth of july weekend. oh boy.so i've already started getting inquiries from oh, my entire family, as to whether the boy is coming home with me to the wedding. chris, the one getting married even sent me the following email:

So.... I hear through the grapevine that you have a special Luvah! Have you thought about bringing this oh-so-lucky Gentleman to the wedding? I would love to meet him... as I imagine he is quite the individual (if he is willing to put up with YOUR shit). . : W O R D : .

yeah. because a family wedding is the best place to introduce him to everyone, where they will all be drunk and "on my best behavior, i PROMISE!!!" but i did invite him, and it's still all up in the air with him starting a new job and all and his best friend's wedding two weeks before. we'll see. it should be interesting.

curvy my ass!!

so i went shopping today, yeah, like i can afford it, but i was bored. and i was at the gap browsing through their different types of pants, skinny, straight leg, the new boyfriend trouser, and curvy. now i was thumbing through curvy, and the sizes only went up to 6. yes 6. now something tells me that most women under the size of 6 are not in any definition "curvy" unless those curves are silicone supplemented. so i looked at the boyfriend trouser, nothing above a 6, same with straight leg and wide leg pants too. what the fuck? screw you gap. can't a girl get a size 8, a 10, a 12 even? are those forbidden plus sizes at the gap now? are you trying to induce eating disorders? join the league of hollister then.

most depressing day EVER!

so i am home sick from work watching march madness, and wisconsin is playing. you would thing this is a good thing, but we are fucking losing to teaxa a&m- corpus christi.... yeah WHO?!?! they have a basketball team?! apparently because we're losing!! WTF! god! why do we always blow it!?

ps- it's snowing little pellets of ice- AWESOME!

i saved that bitch's life!

so last night was zoya's birthday party at katra in the lower east side. crazy fun. she had bottle service, it was ridiculous, dancing until like 3:30. so the boy and a friend and i are leaving, and as we walk out of the door this girl is wheezing and all bent over. i ask her if she's ok, but she obviously can't breathe, like she's having and asthma or panic attack. she's like, i eeeeee can't eeeeeee breathe eeeeeeeee. her boyfriend, obviously a moron is like, "baby what do you need, what do you need?!" someone is like she needs to breathe into a paper bag or something, which i'm not sure is true, but her bf runs into the club looking for something, but ME, thinking smart, ran over to the hot dog cart, and grabbed a paper bag and gave it to her, and i'm like breathe in this! she seemed to be getting better but still all wheezy, and se sere like, do you want us to call an ambulance? this is her response, after i save her fucking life: "if eeeee you call eeeeeeee 911 eeee i'll eeeeee fucking eeeeeee kill you". not exactly the gratitude i was looking for. her moron bf comes back with party streamers or some shit for her to breathe in, yeah GENIUS. so we left her to her genius bf. as we're walking away i asked my biy why she could possibly not want us to call 911, he was like, easy, she's indian and looks about 19, and is out at 3 am with a bf she's not supposed to have. if we called 911 her parents would find out.

RIDICULOUS

OH MY GOD SHOES!

this video is so funny, and so me... oh my go these shoes are three hundred fucking dollars!! lets get em!! i think you have too many shoes... shut up!

enjoy...

i hope not sporadically...

yay clueless! anyway, yeah, i have been blogging quite sporadically lately, just apology... maybe because i'm less pissed off lately... less to bitch about HA! just kidding! no just less drama... a relationship does that to you, less drama, less going out hunting you know... anyway, my apologies.

Persian Gulf, WHAT!

i know, this is insane, but i am going to abu dhabi and dubai in like six weeks!!! Is that not so amazing!! i know, i'm amazingly spoiled, also soooo broke!! but hey, i have to fill up my passport before it expires in may of next year!! oh my god i'm so excited! i do feel kinda bad, because now i have to cancel my weekend in florida with the boyfriend. i can't take another day off of work and i can't afford yet another plane ticket. of course he wants me to go to abu dhabi, but still i feel bad about cancelling our plans... it wouldv'e been a nice little 6 month anniversary thing. bah! now i just have to go but "appropriate clothes". aka nothing tight or showing my cleavage- aka my entire wardrobe. good luck with that!

exotic dancers and $20 beers

so i had quite the interesting night last night. earlier in the day paul comes to me and says, "ya know.... i've never been to a strip club... we should go to one, i mean, yeah." so we do a little research and decide, maybe we'll go to one tomorrow on new years. there seem to be some good places. so first thing that night the whole lot of us (minus paul, who sucks! for not coming out) went to a tango show, which was amazing. i mean, you can't go to BA and not see tango! so we see tango, and we've all had a few drinks. so everyone by me, pat, patricia, and nick leave for home (losers). and so we stay for another show and then decide to pack it in.

as we're walking toward a busy street to catch a taxi, pat tells me we are oh so close to one of the strip clubs that we were checking out on the internet earlier today... hmmm new plan? absolutely!! lets check it out and see if it's cool for tomorrow! so we head over, literally a 5 minute walk. we get there and the club is set up differently than US clubs... not that i would know... but it looks like a normal bar and there is an upstairs where private shows go on. so immediately a hostess sits us downs and starts chatting us up. we all order a beer (4 total, and note that a beer in BA never costs more than 3-4 US$ in the most touristy places) and talk some more with the hostess. we start talking about the show we'd like to see and all that, and they show us the price list, i almost choke on my beer. STARTING at $80 PER PERSON. what?!?! are you fucking kidding me?! patricia tries to negotiate, no dice. this is the most expensive strip club ever!! ... not that i've ever been to one... yeah... so we ask for our drink check, and decide that this was a waste of time. the check comes, and holy fuck! $80 for 4 beers?!?! what!?!? this place is ridiculous! so patricia takes the bill up to the 'madam' of the place to argue over the obvious turista tax. so we're sitting back, watching the arguement, and i see patricia hop up from her bar stool and point to her ass and then start dancing around... i am at a loss. apparently when patricia asked why the drinks were so overpriced the woman said that we came in and sat down on those seats... patricia then said, "oh these seats! what's so special about these seats?! are they more special than this seat?! (pointing to her ass)" LOVE IT!!

So we lost the battle over the check, or so i thought. so patricia tosses enough money to cover half the tab and walks out. the three of us are left sitting surrounded by bouncers, like, ummmm yeah. so i say, umm uno momento por favor. and walk out, a few seconds later nick and pat get the clue and follow. then we start to run, because, SURPRISE, the bouncers are chasing us down the street. and OF COURSE, there are never any taxis when you need one! we grab one half a block away, and end up driving back by the club...

oh boy, ridiculousness.

ps- prostitution in legal in argentina

near death experience via mattress

so i am spending this christmas in south america, Buenos Aires and Piriopolis, Uruguay, to be exact. i know, i'm ridiculously lucky. my aunt, uncle and cousin have been living in BA for the past year, and i kept saying i was going to get down there, and here i am, FINALLY!! so i got here the day before my birthday, and on my birthday we took a ferry (one hour trip) from BA to Colonia, Uruguay. Then we rented cars (hahaha they have Thrifty car rental in Uruguay!) and drove through Montevideo to Piriopolis. We had four FABULOUS days at the beach, including my 25th birthday!! which was AMAZING! usually my birthdays suck!! but in south america christmas eve is like one huge party, everyone out on the streets dancing, drinking, havign a good time! we were all out till 4 am drinking and having a great time.

so on our drive back to Colonia we're driving along, me nadine and paul are sleeping in the backseat. when all of the sudden i hear, "SHIT!" and bolt awake as our car swerves and i see a mattress fly off the roof of the pick-up truck in front of us and almost hit us, but my uncle artfully swerves and the mattress only takes off our side mirror instead of flipping us over into the ditch. no! so when my aunt goes to ask the driver about the whole deal all he has to say is "lo ciento" and that all he has on him is a cervesa and 8 pesos... yeah... so we wedge the side mirror back on and hope the rental place doesn't notice... we turned down the insurance.

i'll sign an affidavit to that...

most ridiculous night ever. so shorty brown and gretchen are in town from la this weekend so we all meet up for good times all over the west village. we head from cowgirl to shag, the gayest gay bar ever. the drinks we had were fucking ridiculous: the fancy nancy... the fire island ice tea... out of control. and theeeennnn the duplex. christ. i will now swear on a stack of bibles that alcohol impairs your judgement. so i've been drinking gin and tonics ALL NIGHT and i'd say at this point i've had about 8. then i start getting a headache. sooo what do i usually do when i get a headache? i take some painkillers, so what do i do? take painkillers on top of 8 gin and tonics. sweet. then i have another. about an hour later we're gonna head to the e.vill and chill at vickie's place and surprisingly i'm not feeling so hot. so krystal recommends that i head to the bathroom first, and there i puke my guts out. awesome. i come out, like a champ, wash my hands, and krystal hands me some gum. and this british girl is the only one who can tell i've just gotten rid of the 10 drinks i've had that night, and says, "aww, do you feel bettah?" and that's why british chicks rock.
we then proceed to go to vickie's, where i pass out on the couch for two hours and wake up to see joe powers with make-up looking like a fairie on crack. soooo hot. we had to convince him not to take the PATH train home to jersey like that, or he'd get his ass kicked.

you go Kieth Olbermann!

From Coundown with Kieth Olbermann:

We have lived as if in a trance.

We have lived as people in fear.

And now—our rights and our freedoms in peril—we slowly awaken to learn that we have been afraid of the wrong thing.

Therefore, tonight have we truly become the inheritors of our American legacy.

For, on this first full day that the Military Commissions Act is in force, we now face what our ancestors faced, at other times of exaggerated crisis and melodramatic fear-mongering:

A government more dangerous to our liberty, than is the enemy it claims to protect us from.

We have been here before—and we have been here before, led here by men better and wiser and nobler than George W. Bush.

We have been here when President John Adams insisted that the Alien and Sedition Acts were necessary to save American lives, only to watch him use those acts to jail newspaper editors.

American newspaper editors, in American jails, for things they wrote about America.

We have been here when President Woodrow Wilson insisted that the Espionage Act was necessary to save American lives, only to watch him use that Act to prosecute 2,000 Americans, especially those he disparaged as “Hyphenated Americans,” most of whom were guilty only of advocating peace in a time of war.

American public speakers, in American jails, for things they said about America.

And we have been here when President Franklin D. Roosevelt insisted that Executive Order 9066 was necessary to save American lives, only to watch him use that order to imprison and pauperize 110,000 Americans while his man in charge, General DeWitt, told Congress: “It makes no difference whether he is an American citizen—he is still a Japanese.”

American citizens, in American camps, for something they neither wrote nor said nor did, but for the choices they or their ancestors had made about coming to America.

Each of these actions was undertaken for the most vital, the most urgent, the most inescapable of reasons.

And each was a betrayal of that for which the president who advocated them claimed to be fighting.

Adams and his party were swept from office, and the Alien and Sedition Acts erased.

Many of the very people Wilson silenced survived him, and one of them even ran to succeed him, and got 900,000 votes, though his presidential campaign was conducted entirely from his jail cell.

And Roosevelt’s internment of the Japanese was not merely the worst blight on his record, but it would necessitate a formal apology from the government of the United States to the citizens of the United States whose lives it ruined.

The most vital, the most urgent, the most inescapable of reasons.

In times of fright, we have been only human.

We have let Roosevelt’s “fear of fear itself” overtake us.

We have listened to the little voice inside that has said, “the wolf is at the door; this will be temporary; this will be precise; this too shall pass.”

We have accepted that the only way to stop the terrorists is to let the government become just a little bit like the terrorists.

Just the way we once accepted that the only way to stop the Soviets was to let the government become just a little bit like the Soviets.

Or substitute the Japanese.

Or the Germans.

Or the Socialists.

Or the Anarchists.

Or the Immigrants.

Or the British.

Or the Aliens.

The most vital, the most urgent, the most inescapable of reasons.

And, always, always wrong.

“With the distance of history, the questions will be narrowed and few: Did this generation of Americans take the threat seriously, and did we do what it takes to defeat that threat?”

Wise words.

And ironic ones, Mr. Bush.

Your own, of course, yesterday, in signing the Military Commissions Act.

You spoke so much more than you know, Sir.

Sadly—of course—the distance of history will recognize that the threat this generation of Americans needed to take seriously was you.

We have a long and painful history of ignoring the prophecy attributed to Benjamin Franklin that “those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.”

But even within this history we have not before codified the poisoning of habeas corpus, that wellspring of protection from which all essential liberties flow.

You, sir, have now befouled that spring.

You, sir, have now given us chaos and called it order.

You, sir, have now imposed subjugation and called it freedom.

For the most vital, the most urgent, the most inescapable of reasons.

And — again, Mr. Bush — all of them, wrong.

We have handed a blank check drawn against our freedom to a man who has said it is unacceptable to compare anything this country has ever done to anything the terrorists have ever done.

We have handed a blank check drawn against our freedom to a man who has insisted again that “the United States does not torture. It’s against our laws and it’s against our values” and who has said it with a straight face while the pictures from Abu Ghraib Prison and the stories of Waterboarding figuratively fade in and out, around him.

We have handed a blank check drawn against our freedom to a man who may now, if he so decides, declare not merely any non-American citizens “unlawful enemy combatants” and ship them somewhere—anywhere -- but may now, if he so decides, declare you an “unlawful enemy combatant” and ship you somewhere - anywhere.

And if you think this hyperbole or hysteria, ask the newspaper editors when John Adams was president or the pacifists when Woodrow Wilson was president or the Japanese at Manzanar when Franklin Roosevelt was president.

And if you somehow think habeas corpus has not been suspended for American citizens but only for everybody else, ask yourself this: If you are pulled off the street tomorrow, and they call you an alien or an undocumented immigrant or an “unlawful enemy combatant”—exactly how are you going to convince them to give you a court hearing to prove you are not? Do you think this attorney general is going to help you?

This President now has his blank check.

He lied to get it.

He lied as he received it.

Is there any reason to even hope he has not lied about how he intends to use it nor who he intends to use it against?

“These military commissions will provide a fair trial,” you told us yesterday, Mr. Bush, “in which the accused are presumed innocent, have access to an attorney and can hear all the evidence against them.”

"Presumed innocent," Mr. Bush?

The very piece of paper you signed as you said that, allows for the detainees to be abused up to the point just before they sustain “serious mental and physical trauma” in the hope of getting them to incriminate themselves, and may no longer even invoke The Geneva Conventions in their own defense.

"Access to an attorney," Mr. Bush?

Lieutenant Commander Charles Swift said on this program, Sir, and to the Supreme Court, that he was only granted access to his detainee defendant on the promise that the detainee would plead guilty.

"Hearing all the evidence," Mr. Bush?

The Military Commissions Act specifically permits the introduction of classified evidence not made available to the defense.

Your words are lies, Sir.

They are lies that imperil us all.

“One of the terrorists believed to have planned the 9/11 attacks,” you told us yesterday, “said he hoped the attacks would be the beginning of the end of America.”

That terrorist, sir, could only hope.

Not his actions, nor the actions of a ceaseless line of terrorists (real or imagined), could measure up to what you have wrought.

Habeas corpus? Gone.

The Geneva Conventions? Optional.

The moral force we shined outwards to the world as an eternal beacon, and inwards at ourselves as an eternal protection? Snuffed out.

These things you have done, Mr. Bush, they would be “the beginning of the end of America.”

And did it even occur to you once, sir — somewhere in amidst those eight separate, gruesome, intentional, terroristic invocations of the horrors of 9/11 -- that with only a little further shift in this world we now know—just a touch more repudiation of all of that for which our patriots died --- did it ever occur to you once that in just 27 months and two days from now when you leave office, some irresponsible future president and a “competent tribunal” of lackeys would be entitled, by the actions of your own hand, to declare the status of “unlawful enemy combatant” for -- and convene a Military Commission to try -- not John Walker Lindh, but George Walker Bush?

For the most vital, the most urgent, the most inescapable of reasons.

And doubtless, Sir, all of them—as always—wrong.

you have some serious cojones my friend

so as i was walking to the subway i saw a man in a car who was trying to back up to the sidewalk to attach his bagel cart to his car. no big deal except a NYPD car was blocking his way. any normal person would walk up to the officer, knock on the window and say something to the effect of, "excuse me officer, could you possibly move your car so i could tow away my bagel cart from the sidewalk?" but is this the route that this man took? NOOOO. he is laying on the horn, and yelling out the window, "yo!! buddy! get the fuck outta the way!" in the thickest Brooklyn accent ever. i am waiting for the cop to get out of the car and take out his nightstick and strike this guy over the head, but i have to get in the subway... that would've been worth the wait though. should've stayed.

i am definitely not 19 anymore

so last night was krystal's birthday. and the plan was to go see joe and evan do comedy, we'd have one drink, and then she'd go have dinner with her bf, and the rest of us would go home, it being a school night and all. that wasn't exactly the way it worked out. so we did go see comedy: gin and tonic count- 2. then her bf is running late, so the 4 of us decide to go have one more drink, i mean we are in the east village, and it is krystal's birthday! and the italian calls, oh boy, tells me we should def do dinner saturday. christ, i think i said yes. gin and tonic count- 4, food since lunch- 0. dinner plans are scratched when more friends show up. by 11pm: gin and tonic count- 6; tequila count-1. i spill to my friends that i'm contemplating "dinner" with the italian on saturday. they all seem supportive...? wtf? do i need new friends or just to drink less on thurdays? i think the latter. so krystal's bf is driving us home (sober no worries) and he has to make a pit stop in harlem, yeah! WTF! no fucking pit stop! and krystal is so drunk she pukes in the car!! hilarious! i'm dying laughing in the back seat. i finally get home at 2am, thinking, fuck me. i have to work in the morning, wait, in 6 hours. god.

i am definitely not 19 anymore.

naptown, holla back...

yeah, so i'm originally from naptown. and i recently found out that my high school is a finalist for an MTV reality show. two-a-days, where they follow around high school athletes for a season and record all the drama. nothing good can come from this. i say this not just beacuse MTV reality shows are garbage, but because mtv OBVIOUSLY has no idea what thewy are getting into at my high school. yes, indiana is known for basketball, and my high school rocks the house, but there is ALWAYS a fucking scandal at my high school. and i mean scandal. lets go down the list of what happened while i was a student there:
1. the gym burned down- ruled an arson. they re-built it. it burned down again. ARSON. AGAIN.
2. the asst. principal was caught having sex with the gym teacher in a supply closet. during school hours.
3. a school security officer accidentally shot himself in the leg on school grounds. yes, we have cops at school that carry guns.
4. the principal, while on closed circuit tv to the entire student body, used the phrase "whiggers and freaks" to describe two groups of students. ohhh yeah. whiggers, as in white kids trying to act black. that's reeeaaal PC.
5. a science teacher slept with a student, got her pregnant, divorced his wife, and yet for some reason was not fired.

so bring in the cameras MTV. it'll be a good fucking time!

dawn of the dead..... relationship?

so it's halloween. motherfucking halloween. seriously. what on earth is it that would make a guy think: "you know, i haven't talked to you in like, ohhhh two and a half months, today feels like a good day to call and say hey. what's up? want to have dinner this weekend?" this is like the week of the dead relationship comes back from the dead to haunt me! now it's the italian. which is a little more disconcerting, because before it was easy to say go fuck yourself. now i don't want to end up a philandering whore. which is a total possibility. I KNOW I KNOW. don't judge me! but when i only see my bf once a week because he's too busy for me, it can be hard to turn down dinner with someone else who i know i have a serious attraction to. BAH! goddamnit. i am soo stressed out now.

total invasion of privacy!!!

but i LOVE it!
so at first i was very weary about the whole face book "mini-feed" thing. which is basically a cnn headline news-type thing running along your facebook homepage that keeps you up to date on what everyone you know in facebook is doing. personally i didn't want people know when i "de-friended" someone or some such nonsense, but now i have a new found respect for the mini feed.
so when you called me the other day i have to say i was shocked, but not surprised. if that makes sense. i knew it would happen again eventually, even though last time we talked i told you we couldn't be friends and i never wanted to talk to you again, i knew that wouldn't be enough. strange huh. that words like "i never loved you" and "i don't want to talk to ever again" don't seem to sink in. and that somehow i knew you would be back. and now here you are. calling saying you want to be friends. yet i don't believe that for one fucking second. we were never friends, how can we be friends now?
but what i love the most is that when i got onto facebook today it said your name in the mini-feed. and said you had just changed your relationship status from "in-relationship" to "it's complicated". wow. so you call me the day you break up with some girl you probably dated for like 2 weeks? fucking flattering. let me reiterate this for the last fucking time. we cannot be friends. EVER. and i'm never going to sleep with you EVER AGAIN. so please get over it. and leave me alone.

hair therapy

so i went and saw marco last night. my most fabulous and amazing hair stylist. i love him to death. he gave me the down and dirty on project runway because he did all the hair for the final show. (i know!) going there is like double duty hair and therapy, so great. and he is hillarious, always giving me relationship advice, wanting to know the latest dirt on all the boys. so when he asks about the italian (who he hates, and for good reason), i say not a chance, he is sooo over. and then this is the exact exchange: me: "i actually have a boyfriend now, marco, isn't that crazy." "(sound of marco choking on his drink in utter shock) what?!" yeah, i know. as if natalie the turbo slut couldn't have a bf?! thanks marco! so then he asked about how we met and how the dating progressed. i told him about the yankees game, and how apparently he finds me saying whatever comes into my head charming, not "crazy". whatevs. it was fabulous therapy, and my hair looks amazing.

two totally unrelated items

erika and i have random conversations:
1. i found out last night that cats have induced ovulation. OUCH! which basically means that male cats have spikey penises and that how they induce ovulation. FUCK THAT!... or not. no thank you.

2. there is a video game called Second Life, which in my opinion should be called "I don't have a life" where people live out there lives vitually. LOSERS. it's called the REAL WORLD. go outside and live it. if you're too fucking afraid to talk to someone in real life, and the only way you can do it is to "dress up" as some buff video game character or stripperella version of yourself, then you need serious therapy. NOT a video game. if i've offended anyone who plays this "game", i'm not sorry. maybe you'll get off your ass and go outside.

hot girls and ug guys

so i found, via a friend, this site that will analyze your face and tell you what celebrities you look like. interesting..... so here is a little face analysis of your truly:




yeah, i'm not really sure how much i look like, or want to look like nicole richie, aka skeletor, but hey... whatever. and what's with the ugly guy? huh? i do not look like him!! bitches at myheritage.com, this is some bullshit. but i guess i'll take kate bosworth... 78% huh?

i am sooo tired

having the fam here is TIRING!!! it's just GO! GO! GO! the MoMA, shows, westchester, carolyn and her drama queen bullshit. omg. don't get me wrong, i loved having them here, but it's like having children. definitely not ready for that! and i didn't even get to see The Boy this weekend :( they wanted to meet him but i just wasn't ready for that. i jokingly told them, "what, you want to scare him away so soon?!" they didn't think it was so funny for some reason. hmm... wonder why. but ohh so true.

martha fuckin stewart

so yesterday i met martha stewart. and not only that, but she ate pie that my mom made. i know. out of fucking control. so the story: the fam and i went to westchester to where erika works bc they were having this fall harvest fest deal. and that included a pie bake off, judged by the ona nd only martha stewart. this wasn't publicized, but since erika worked there i had the inside scoop. so we (my awesome mom) made this fantastic fucking raspberry pie. and there was a bake off. AND it was being filmed. it's going to be on her show, so keep an eye out all of you daytime tv watchers. so she's walking down the stage, tasting all the pies, her and this bitchy red-head who is apparently the editor of martha stewart living. so i am in the from row, right in front of the stage. and martha is RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. and she turns to consult the bitchy red head about who should win, and she says she likes the grape, apple-brandy, and RASPBERRY (our fucking pie!!!!). but then bitchy red head, says, grape and apple. WE WERE ROBBED! stupid bitch.

i would've totally taken a sick day for that!!

so the fam is in town this weekend! yeah! carolyn, paul, and my mom, all of whom i haven't seen since may, so i'm very excited that they're here. so on friday paul and carolyn went to take a tour of the UN and guess what they ended randomly seeing!!! Kofi Annan swearing in Ban Ki-Moon, the New Secretary General of the UN!! omg! i seriously would've taken a sick day for that shit!