you'd better be dead or hurting

so what are the only acceptable excuses for you standing me up for dinner?!? and instead of me having a fabulous homemade dinner i had takeout and a bottle of wine. the following are the only acceptable excuses for you not coming over AND not even calling:
1. drive-by shooting, or shooting of some sort. not that i want you to be dead, but this would be one reason why you didn't call to tell me you were cancelling our date AGAIN. i accept that you live in brooklyn, and you're busy, so we can't see each other every fucking day. but this is excessive.
2. you're married and couldn't get away. now don't get me wrong, this is another unacceptable scenario, but would explain some of your behavior. this would also be the most pathetic affair EVER. you need to make a little more effort on cheating on your wife if this is the case.
3. you are locked in a basement being held for ransom. also highly unlikely as your cell is still on. i think any kidnapper worth his weight would turn that shit off.
4. you're just not that into me. i've thought about this one. this is an unacceptable fucking answer. one, because i don't think it's true, and two, because it is not an acceptable response to why you would've not shown up for dinner.
why am i attracted to and why do i get involved with unavailable men? emotionally unavailable or physically unavailable. pick one.