dawn of the dead..... relationship?

so it's halloween. motherfucking halloween. seriously. what on earth is it that would make a guy think: "you know, i haven't talked to you in like, ohhhh two and a half months, today feels like a good day to call and say hey. what's up? want to have dinner this weekend?" this is like the week of the dead relationship comes back from the dead to haunt me! now it's the italian. which is a little more disconcerting, because before it was easy to say go fuck yourself. now i don't want to end up a philandering whore. which is a total possibility. I KNOW I KNOW. don't judge me! but when i only see my bf once a week because he's too busy for me, it can be hard to turn down dinner with someone else who i know i have a serious attraction to. BAH! goddamnit. i am soo stressed out now.

total invasion of privacy!!!

but i LOVE it!
so at first i was very weary about the whole face book "mini-feed" thing. which is basically a cnn headline news-type thing running along your facebook homepage that keeps you up to date on what everyone you know in facebook is doing. personally i didn't want people know when i "de-friended" someone or some such nonsense, but now i have a new found respect for the mini feed.
so when you called me the other day i have to say i was shocked, but not surprised. if that makes sense. i knew it would happen again eventually, even though last time we talked i told you we couldn't be friends and i never wanted to talk to you again, i knew that wouldn't be enough. strange huh. that words like "i never loved you" and "i don't want to talk to ever again" don't seem to sink in. and that somehow i knew you would be back. and now here you are. calling saying you want to be friends. yet i don't believe that for one fucking second. we were never friends, how can we be friends now?
but what i love the most is that when i got onto facebook today it said your name in the mini-feed. and said you had just changed your relationship status from "in-relationship" to "it's complicated". wow. so you call me the day you break up with some girl you probably dated for like 2 weeks? fucking flattering. let me reiterate this for the last fucking time. we cannot be friends. EVER. and i'm never going to sleep with you EVER AGAIN. so please get over it. and leave me alone.

hair therapy

so i went and saw marco last night. my most fabulous and amazing hair stylist. i love him to death. he gave me the down and dirty on project runway because he did all the hair for the final show. (i know!) going there is like double duty hair and therapy, so great. and he is hillarious, always giving me relationship advice, wanting to know the latest dirt on all the boys. so when he asks about the italian (who he hates, and for good reason), i say not a chance, he is sooo over. and then this is the exact exchange: me: "i actually have a boyfriend now, marco, isn't that crazy." "(sound of marco choking on his drink in utter shock) what?!" yeah, i know. as if natalie the turbo slut couldn't have a bf?! thanks marco! so then he asked about how we met and how the dating progressed. i told him about the yankees game, and how apparently he finds me saying whatever comes into my head charming, not "crazy". whatevs. it was fabulous therapy, and my hair looks amazing.

two totally unrelated items

erika and i have random conversations:
1. i found out last night that cats have induced ovulation. OUCH! which basically means that male cats have spikey penises and that how they induce ovulation. FUCK THAT!... or not. no thank you.

2. there is a video game called Second Life, which in my opinion should be called "I don't have a life" where people live out there lives vitually. LOSERS. it's called the REAL WORLD. go outside and live it. if you're too fucking afraid to talk to someone in real life, and the only way you can do it is to "dress up" as some buff video game character or stripperella version of yourself, then you need serious therapy. NOT a video game. if i've offended anyone who plays this "game", i'm not sorry. maybe you'll get off your ass and go outside.

hot girls and ug guys

so i found, via a friend, this site that will analyze your face and tell you what celebrities you look like. interesting..... so here is a little face analysis of your truly:




yeah, i'm not really sure how much i look like, or want to look like nicole richie, aka skeletor, but hey... whatever. and what's with the ugly guy? huh? i do not look like him!! bitches at myheritage.com, this is some bullshit. but i guess i'll take kate bosworth... 78% huh?

i am sooo tired

having the fam here is TIRING!!! it's just GO! GO! GO! the MoMA, shows, westchester, carolyn and her drama queen bullshit. omg. don't get me wrong, i loved having them here, but it's like having children. definitely not ready for that! and i didn't even get to see The Boy this weekend :( they wanted to meet him but i just wasn't ready for that. i jokingly told them, "what, you want to scare him away so soon?!" they didn't think it was so funny for some reason. hmm... wonder why. but ohh so true.

martha fuckin stewart

so yesterday i met martha stewart. and not only that, but she ate pie that my mom made. i know. out of fucking control. so the story: the fam and i went to westchester to where erika works bc they were having this fall harvest fest deal. and that included a pie bake off, judged by the ona nd only martha stewart. this wasn't publicized, but since erika worked there i had the inside scoop. so we (my awesome mom) made this fantastic fucking raspberry pie. and there was a bake off. AND it was being filmed. it's going to be on her show, so keep an eye out all of you daytime tv watchers. so she's walking down the stage, tasting all the pies, her and this bitchy red-head who is apparently the editor of martha stewart living. so i am in the from row, right in front of the stage. and martha is RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. and she turns to consult the bitchy red head about who should win, and she says she likes the grape, apple-brandy, and RASPBERRY (our fucking pie!!!!). but then bitchy red head, says, grape and apple. WE WERE ROBBED! stupid bitch.

i would've totally taken a sick day for that!!

so the fam is in town this weekend! yeah! carolyn, paul, and my mom, all of whom i haven't seen since may, so i'm very excited that they're here. so on friday paul and carolyn went to take a tour of the UN and guess what they ended randomly seeing!!! Kofi Annan swearing in Ban Ki-Moon, the New Secretary General of the UN!! omg! i seriously would've taken a sick day for that shit!

ana is totally the new south beach

so i'm totally going aneorexic, and it's soooo awesome. ok, that's only kinda true. i'm only a little ana. and not by choice. i'm changing my migraine meds and eating makes me physically sick, so FUN! so the only thing i can really stomach every day is a pice of toast or two and some grapes. and that's all day. fucking awesome. it's also really great to explain to everyone at work who asks me why i'm not eating at staff lunch. and, "well the sight and smell of that food is making me want to vomit" just doesn't cut it. it actually really blows because i am getting really tired now because my body has no fuel. it's been about 10 days since i ate anything substantive. booooooo.

the grand inquisition

last night The Boy and i went to a wedding together. yeah i know. it was his two friends from college. so this was the first time i was going to meet any of his friends, no pressure. i wasn't actually nervous, although i think he was, a little. but it was actually a lot of fun. it was a chinese wedding. the dinner was 13 courses, out of control! they had this game show host-type guy who basically narrated the whole thing, it was hillarious. they played all these games, just meant to embarass the bride and groom, good times. the bride had like 3 costume changes, FABULOUS! i am sooo having a chinese wedding!
and then the questions started. apparently there had been a little bit of a gossip train about "his date". who would i be, blah blah blah, because he replied as plus 1 before he asked me, so when people asked who he was bringing he just said, "you'll just have to wait and see". so as the night goes on his friends, one by one, come by and are all like, hi, soooo, are you his date?, uh huh, so how did you guys meet?, uh huh, so are you guys friends...?" yeah so i had not been debriefed on what to do in this situation before the wedding! so i was like, ummm, does he want all his friends to know we're dating? does he want me to be the one to tell them? well, after one person asked, i said, wellll, we're dating. and she was all excited. and i thought, well if i only tell one person, and that was the wrong thing to do, it won't be that big of a deal. ummm, yeah. but then about 7 or 8 of his friends asked me the same thing. the cat's out of the bag now!
so when we got home we were chatting about the night, and he said, "you know what was weird, no one asked me about us." and i just laughed, and said well that's because they all asked me instead! so i hope you don't care if you're friends know that we're dating, because they all know by now! and i gave him a hard time about not telling me what to say, and he just said, "i never thought they would ask you, i thought they would grill me to death first." overall a good night. apparently i received the seal of approval from the people that mattered, so it's all good in the hood.

my midwestern-ness is fading away...

why you may ask do i think this? because this post is about people that piss me off. and what is the crime of the majority of these people. that they either talk to me or just exist.
1. people who talk to me on the subway. maybe i just need a new game face in the mornings or something, but there are too many fucking people talking to me and hitting on me in the subway. Don't you see i am listening to an i-pod?!? does it look like i want to talk to you? do you reeeeaaally think that asking me out on the subway will work? NO!
2. women who carry their dogs in bags. this isn't LA bitch. this is nyc. get that dog out of your fucking purse and let it walk on the ground. and if you are stupid enough to carry it in a $400 purse, i know you can afford not to take the subway, and take a cab.
3. men who offer their seats on the subway to stupid bitches with their dogs in purses but not the pregnant woman near her. enough said.
4. men who try to hit on me in spanish. they mostly do this because they think i won't understand, but then are stupid enough to start off with things that anyone could understand like, hola mi amor, or aye mami. are you fucking kidding me?!
5. the new waxing woman at my spa. ok, i usually get this great russsian woman but she was out this week, so i went with this other girl. MISTAKE. omg. can you just shut the fuck up while you are waking my goddamn bikini line? i am lying here half naked and your asking me what i studied in college and what i do for a living? NO! there is no talking during this process besides asking me about the teperature of the wax! just shut the fuck up.

reason 78 you aren't getting that promotion

so i'm sitting on the subway on the way home today, tired as hell. when this woman get on and stands next to me. she look completely professional. conservative black suit, button down light pink shirt, heels, leather brief case, the whole deal. i notice her ring. her hand is next to my face because she's holding onto the pole that is attached to my seat. at first i think she is just wearing a cheap jamaican pride type ring, you see them everywhere in brooklyn, but then i let my eyes focus on the ring... it has a marajuana leaf on it and it says "ganja" across the bottom. now what in god's name compelled this woman to wear this to work?!?! in what work environment is this ok?! not in my office, that's for damn sure, and she's wearing a fucking suit! and i bet she's wondering why she got passed over yet again for that promotion...