fuck you gmail!

so for all of you who don't have gmail, they have little ads along the side of your emails that are "content relevant" to your specific interests. As in gmail scans your emails to put relevant ad in. so erika and i are emailing back and forth about boy problems and these are the "text relevant ads" that gmail decided would be a good idea to string along next to my emails:

Broken Heart? Heartache?Strategies to get your lover back, even if he/she is unwilling.
http://www.howtowinanexback.com/

Test Your RelationshipIs it healthy or not, get a reality check.
http://www.growthclimate.com/

Help Prevent Suicide
Walk 20 miles in the Out of the Darkness
http://www.theovernight.org/

seriously gmail, what the fuck!

it's called catholic guilt, get over it or stop sleeping around

seriously, does the catholic church realize that they are ruining my fucking life? or at least turning it into a one-woman drama parade. i completely understand the idea- tell people sex is bad, sex outside of marriage is bad, sex is dirty, you're going to hell if you have sex, blah blah blah, i get it. i did a tour of duty at catholic school like every other irish girl. but do they not realize people are going to grow up with massive fucking complexes when they finally decide they do want to sleep around, or at least have sex before marriage?! and it is ruining my life! ok- warning if you don't want to hear about my sex life, stop reading now- but who tells a girl they don't want a relationship, that he isn't ready for the whole commitment thing, and lets just do the sex thing. fine, whatever. he defines the entire "relationship", no feelings, fine. then comes over and post sex says- i can't do this sex without feelings... WHAT THE FUCK?! "it just feels wrong, dirty isn't the right word, but wrong" jesus h. christ, catholic school was a long time ago, and you had a one night stand with some girl last week, and that wasn't dirty or wrong? please. and i get it, the first time i had sex i seriously considered going to confession for the first time in four years. i even planned out what i would say to the priest. but i GOT OVER IT. and so should you, or you should stop having sex until you get married, like a good catholic.

YEAH BOY!

Abramoff Gets Almost 6 Years in Prison
By CURT ANDERSON, Associated Press Writer 5 minutes ago
Disgraced former lobbyist Jack Abramoff and a business partner were sentenced Wednesday to five years and 10 months in federal prison, the minimum they faced for fraud related to their 2000 purchase of the SunCruz Casinos gambling fleet.
Abramoff and Adam Kidan both pleaded guilty to conspiracy and wire fraud, but they won't have to report to prison immediately.
The judge postponed their reporting date for at least 90 days so the two can continue cooperating in a Washington corruption investigation and a Florida probe into the killing of former SunCruz owner Konstantinos Boulis. Both deny roles in the killing. Abramoff pleaded guilty in connection with the corruption probe but has yet to be sentenced.
In court Wednesday, Abramoff said the fraud case was "incredibly painful" for himself, his family and his friends.
"In the past two years I have started the process of becoming a new man," he said.
Under their plea agreement, both men had faced a sentence of between five years, 10 months, and seven years, three months in federal prison. U.S. District Judge Paul C. Huck also ordered them Wednesday to pay restitution of more than $21 million.
Abramoff and Kidan admitted concocting a fake $23 million wire transfer to make it appear they had made a large cash contribution to the $147.5 million purchase of SunCruz Casinos. Based on that fake transfer, lenders provided the pair with $60 million in financing.
The same week Abramoff pleaded guilty to the SunCruz fraud, he entered guilty pleas to three federal charges as part of a wide-ranging corruption probe that could involve up to 20 members of Congress and aides, including former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, R-Texas.
In addition to assisting in that investigation, Abramoff, 47, and Kidan, 41, are expected to give statements in the investigation into the Feb. 6, 2001, slaying of Boulis, who was gunned down at the wheel of his car amid a power struggle over the gambling fleet. Three men face murder charges, including one who worked for Kidan as a consultant at SunCruz and who allegedly has ties to New York's Gambino crime family.
Both Abramoff and Kidan have repeatedly denied any role in or knowledge of the Boulis murder. But prosecutors say Kidan has not been ruled out as a suspect and defense attorneys say Abramoff could provide critical inside information about the dispute with Boulis, who also founded the Miami Subs restaurant chain.
Ultimately, cooperation in those investigations could reduce Abramoff's and Kidan's sentences.
Abramoff, who was wearing a tan baseball-style cap, didn't speak to reporters as he and his lawyers left court after the sentencing.
Before the hearing, more than 260 people — including rabbis, military officers and even a professional hockey referee — wrote letters on the men's behalf asking the judge for leniency.
The letters, obtained by The Associated Press, put a new spin on the foibles and crimes of a man who became the face of Washington's latest corruption scandal.
"Jack is a good person, who in his quest to be successful, lost sight of the rules," National Hockey League referee Dave Jackson wrote, describing the time Abramoff brought 14 youngsters to his dressing room before a game.
Kidan, in his own letter to the judge, said he knew the SunCruz deal was wrong but said he "was very caught up in the fast paced world of my partner and the high profile that came along with it." He added, "I am not the horrible person that the media has written about."
___
Associated Press writer John Solomon in Washington contributed to this report.

fucking cell phones

i never thought i would say this, but i hate cell phones. them and their text messaging capabilities are the bane of my existence lately. i thought AIM was bad, but at least you can turn that off, and when it's off you can't be reached- a text mesage will always be able to find you... and when did it become ok to have serious conversations via texting? i feel like carrie bradshaw with her fucking post-it! there should be some sort of txt filter, before it can reach my phone- is this the kind of conversation we should be having in person, or at least talking each other?!?! if yes then return to sender!

if only it were that easy...

so i'm walking down the street last night, drunk, 3am, and this bum sitting on the sidewalk yells out: "hey baby! you're beautiful! marry me!" "that's sweet, but no thanks" i reply. and he yells afer me, "but it's ok baby, i got food stamps! i can support us!"
HA! gotta love it...

i told marco i was in a fragile emotional state...

so i have been a little emotionally frazzled the past few days... ask my roommate. the phrase "why don't i just jump out of a fucking window and fix everything!!" has come out of my mouth at lest eleven times. our apartment is a fucking den of craziness- and so i went to marco to get my hair cut, and warned marco that i was emotionally fragile, that if he suggested anything too crazy i would probably just go with it. marco is fucking amazing, and doesn't take advantage of me.... but as i leave i am accosted by people selling children. I now am the adoptive sponsor parent of little Jenny here. she is from the Philippines and is 7 years old. ok, it is $18 a month and i had just spent $120 on my fucking hair. give me a goddamn break, i'm lucky i didn't adopt her whole fucking family. i wonder if this violates the 'no babies' rider krystal and i added to our lease....?

flava flav!!

that's all I have to say- seriously. last week was insane crazy because the fam was in town visiting. lots of quality time drinking with paul and hillary, good times. but let me say that paul and savannah (his "ex" who came on vacation with him-basically part of the family) have the most fucked up relationship- in a good way! i guess.... HA! so she has a new boyfriend, but they are constantly all over each other, they kiss, and sleep in the same bed. yeaaah. i took them to this bar - it's all good they don't card- and the bartender kept sending over shots and coming over to talk to us. he was wispering dirty things in my ear all night and at the end of the night he showed us his ass- random. wtf, i don't know about this city sometimes. people be crazy!

it's about time

i have been campaigning for this for years! coming from a non-battleground state where a president has NEVER visited during an election cycle is a little depressing.
NY Times
March 14, 2006
Editorial
Drop Out of the College
The Electoral College is an antidemocratic relic. Everyone who remembers 2000 knows that it can lead to the election of the candidate who loses the popular vote as president. But the Electoral College's other serious flaws are perhaps even more debilitating for a democracy. It focuses presidential elections on just a handful of battleground states, and pushes the rest of the nation's voters to the sidelines.
There is an innovative new proposal for states to take the lead in undoing the Electoral College. Legislatures across the country should get behind it.
Both parties should have reason to fear the college's perverse effects. In 2000, the Democrats lost out. But in 2004, a shift of 60,000 votes in Ohio would have elected John Kerry, even though he lost the national popular vote decisively.
Just as serious is the way the Electoral College distorts presidential campaigns. Candidates have no incentive to campaign in, or address the concerns of, states that reliably vote for a particular party. In recent years, the battleground in presidential elections has shrunk drastically. In 1960, 24 states, with 327 electoral votes, were battleground states, according to estimates by National Popular Vote, the bipartisan coalition making the new proposal. In 2004, only 13 states, with 159 electoral votes, were. As a result, campaigns and national priorities are stacked in favor of a few strategic states. Ethanol fuel, a pet issue of Iowa farmers, is discussed a lot. But issues of equal concern to states like Alabama, California, New York and Indiana are not.
The Electoral College discourages turnout because voters in two-thirds of the nation know well before Election Day who will win their states. It also discriminates among voters by weighing presidential votes unequally. A Wyoming voter has about four times as much impact on selecting that state's electors as a California voter does on selecting that state's.
The answer to all of these problems is direct election of the president. Past attempts to abolish the Electoral College by amending the Constitution have run into difficulty. But National Popular Vote, which includes several former members of Congress, is offering an ingenious solution that would not require a constitutional amendment. It proposes that states commit to casting their electoral votes for the winner of the national popular vote. These promises would become binding only when states representing a majority of the Electoral College signed on. Then any candidate who won the popular vote would be sure to win the White House.
The coalition is starting out by trying to have laws passed in Illinois and a few other states. Americans are rightly cautious about tinkering with mechanisms established by the Constitution. But throughout the nation's history, there have been a series of reforms affecting how elections are conducted, like the ones that gave blacks and women the vote and provided for the direct election of United States senators. Sidestepping the Electoral College would be in this worthy tradition of making American democracy more democratic.

and remotely attractive...

ridiculous conversation between a friend of mine and I:
her: so how is it that people sleep around without getting killed? i mean how do you know if someone is a crazy psycho killer or not?
me: well... i guess you don't have to worry that much any more because the murder rate in new york has gone down a lot...

her: so do you have any guy friends i can sleep with? they just can't have any stds or be ax murderers...
me: well, i guess i can send out a memo...
her: yeah, no killers... (long pause) and i guess he should be remotely attractive too. put that in the memo.

classic quote: "so i just need to either need to have sex with him or punch him, i can't tell yet"

and to think, this was a totally sober, if only hyper-manic conversation

an open letter

to all the college girls walking around the west village this weekend: yes, it was warm this weekend... during the day. that does not give you permission to walk around in your summer hoochie clothes and especially summer open-toed shoes- extra especially because you all apparently forgot how to walk in heels over the winter. practice in your nyu dorms before you debut that kind of shit on the streets.
submitted on behalf of erika h. :)

my wisco girls

i swear, all it takes is one night out with my wisco girls, and BAM- full fledged drinking problem! wtf, seriously. we're going to blame this one on the lack of dinner, and thank god i was the one in control of the camera because at the end of the night (yeah 10:30 HA!) i was face down on the ground. i do not mean this figuratively. good god. and there are three nights left of this? maybe a little moratorium on the all you can drink events might be a good idea. at least i was out with the pros and not any of these nyc amatuer drinkers... they knew what to do

a little too much snatch?

dirty minds! all of you! i'm refering to the movie in which brad pitt is a gypsy boxer with a tatooed body cut from stone, fucking hott, that's right two t's. i believe "orgasm on a stick" was the phrase used to describe him in many a scene by my friends... anyway, i digress. there was a story straight from the movie in the news today:

BERLIN - A German farmer confessed to feeding the corpse of an elderly family friend to his pigs and then stealing from his bank account, police said on Monday.The farmer initially put the corpse in a deep freezer, police in the German town of Frizlar-Haddamar said, and told curious locals the old man was in a nursing home.
"From lectures about various religions the 29-year-old knew that Buddhists either burn the dead or allow wild animals to eat them. That was how he decided to feed the corpse to his pigs," the police statement said.
He let the corpse thaw, dismembered it and fed it to his pigs. He put the parts the pigs did not eat into a sack and buried it.

now if he had done his homework, he would have known to starve the pigs for a while first, then they would have done the job... but what do i know...

all they would find would be his dismembered body...

picture this situation: you ask a girl to marry you, or dedicate herself to you and give her a ring to symbolize the love that you two share. later on in the relationship after crazy fucked up drama, you break it off. she returns the ring, but the two of you remain friends. she also returns the ring with the condition that she will get it back from you one day, it is her ring, symbolizing the relationship you had. what do you think the smart thing to do would be?
if you answered: sell the ring to your friend so he could use it as a wedding band- you are sooooo wrong!
if i ever found out that my wedding ring had been someone else's engagement ring, let alone a friend's ring, that symbolized the most fucked up relationship ever known to mankind, i would be a LITTLE upset. hence the title of my post, all they would find would be my husband's dismembered body... seriously what gave these boys the idea that this would EVER be ok?!? or that the women would not find out what they did?!?

classic conversation

(Jessa's away message says only "rolling")
me: oh my god Jessa, are you doing x?! bad girl!
jessa: reference to going bowling... my parents are in town
me: haha, ok just kidding about the exctasy
jessa: a message saying bowling is probably better

INSANE

This video is insane... thank god we don't live in a world where people act like this all the time!

clever, but...

so this is my favorite music lyric of late:
"got a bill in my mouth like Hillary Rodham"!! ha!- from Nelly's 'Grillz'
this is quite clever- although not to be crude (haha) i don't know how accurate it is. when do you think that last time hillary went down on bill was? 1998? too bad there couldn't be a little play on monica instead, but that really has been overdone.

60 miles to a soulmate

so apparently i am a romantic...? never been accused of that before. so diana and i were talking and march of the penguins came up, and about how they have such a hard life. like if one parent dies, all the babies die because they are left alone for months in the cold with no food. but then diana said they have to walk 60 miles and then they find their soulmate for life and how horrible that must be. I said- ha! if all I had to do was walk 60 and would find my soulmate, then i would be all over it! Diana's response is- well, that's an awfully long way, I'd rather settle for someone close by... "someone random". I was in shock- she doesn't want to find a soulmate? no she says, just that 60 miles is a long way to walk to find a stranger... oh, diana- i just don't know about you sometimes!

throwback to the old days

so i'm sitting in this small business conference desinged to help business owners network, learn more about government programs, etc. and this speaker form the University of Rochester Business School gets ups to give his schpiel. he's talking about leadership and all that jazz, and starts talking about, of all things- prisoners' dilemma. The whole two by two matrix of risk and reward, to rat out your accomplice or keep your mouth shut. He wanted to know who was familiar with the scenario, and i was the only one one. what- no other poli sci majors in the room? everyone is furiously taking notes about risk versus reward matrix, yada yada yada. maybe i was the only one who found it ironic that the dean of a business school was sitting here dicussing political theory as a motivational tool to business owners... ?