a drama in three parts

so i went to a yankees game last night with starbucks boy. let's just say it was an interesting night. this night went in three phases.
part one:yankees game, aka- well, i must have misinterpreted this, bc we are totally just friends. starting with me getting us kicked out of our seats at yankee stadium. who knew there was a non-drinking section?!?! apparently we were sitting there and me drinking a 16 oz beer was against the rules. the rest of the game went great, lots of fun, of course until some asshole hit a fucking homerun with two guys on base in the top of the ninth inning and the yankees lose the game. and i drank three beers! i know... exciting in and of itself. natalie actually drinks beer.
part two: natalie gets drunk, aka we better be friends because you know what happens when i get drunk, i can't keep my goddamn mouth shut.
so i hadn't planned on getting drunk but the waiter at the place we were at was hitting on me the whole time and kept bringing me free drinks... so i had like 4 mixed drinks and three beers between 8 and 12. yeahhhhh, drunkity drunk drunk. i mean the waiter obviously got the friend vibe, i think he tried to ask me out, and definitely tried to kiss me by the bar, so why wouldn't i get the same vibe? why else would i have said things like "wellll one of my exes is kind of 'stalking' me. although that may be a strong word. he just doesn't understand that i don't want to sleep with him anymore, and that i never loved him!" and we were discussing the difference between guys and girls when it comes to casual sex. he said it's easier for guys, i was like, oh that's bs, somehow the topic of well a girl could always get preggers came up, and of course i said- i'm not having a fucking baby! get rid of it. oh yeah and it just gets better and better. all kinds of great gems just fell out of my mouth. the queen of overshare. just use your imagination. these are not things you say to someone who you are on a date with.
part three: i don't kiss my friends like that, aka, ummmm yeah
so he walks me to my door and BOOM he's kissing me. and it's not weird like i thought it would be. and i definitely don't kiss my friends like that. soooo what's going on here? i have no idea.

mission: accomplished

so my mom and sister are planning on coming out here to visit me on her fall break so she can visit a few culinary schools, and take me out to dinner and a few shows. so my mom sends me the dates, and i realize today that the weekend they are planning on coming out is halloween weekend. not a good thing. i can't get wasted and dress like a slutty rainbow brite with my mom and little sister there. so i call my sister, mention casually that i'm looking at which show to buy tickets for, and which shows is she interested in. i throw in that we may be going to see wicked on the 28th (saying that instead of saturday on purpose), and she freaks. "what, isn't that halloween weekend?! i don't want to be gone during halloween!" i say, "well, it doesn't matter to me, i can still go out after i put you and mom to bed." "oh my god! i have to get mom to change the trip! i'll call you later!!" my mom calls me later asking if it's ok to reschedule the trip, because carolyn doesn't want to be in nyc that weekend. suuure i say, yeah she's a drama queen, i commiserate. wow- i am a devious bitch. love it.

you'd better be dead or hurting

so what are the only acceptable excuses for you standing me up for dinner?!? and instead of me having a fabulous homemade dinner i had takeout and a bottle of wine. the following are the only acceptable excuses for you not coming over AND not even calling:
1. drive-by shooting, or shooting of some sort. not that i want you to be dead, but this would be one reason why you didn't call to tell me you were cancelling our date AGAIN. i accept that you live in brooklyn, and you're busy, so we can't see each other every fucking day. but this is excessive.
2. you're married and couldn't get away. now don't get me wrong, this is another unacceptable scenario, but would explain some of your behavior. this would also be the most pathetic affair EVER. you need to make a little more effort on cheating on your wife if this is the case.
3. you are locked in a basement being held for ransom. also highly unlikely as your cell is still on. i think any kidnapper worth his weight would turn that shit off.
4. you're just not that into me. i've thought about this one. this is an unacceptable fucking answer. one, because i don't think it's true, and two, because it is not an acceptable response to why you would've not shown up for dinner.
why am i attracted to and why do i get involved with unavailable men? emotionally unavailable or physically unavailable. pick one.

J to the O B

so i finally got a fucking job!! woop woop! so i can say goodbye to anxiety attacks, worrying about whether or not i have to move home with my parents because i can't afford my rent anymore, and not paying the bills. THANK GOD! so i start in a few weeks and i need to decide what to do with my time. florida? italy to visit hillary? buenos aires to visit pat, patricia, and nadine? florida would be less taxing on my credit cards, but when else will i get a chunk of time to jet international? hmmm......

this is what happens when worlds collide

so i'm watching project runway - yes i watch bad tv- and this episode is cracking be up, but maybe in a bad way. so this episodes the models aren't the normal models, they are the moms of the designers. but of course the designers can't designs for their own moms, that wouldn't create enough drama. so the asshole designer from la is paired up with this mom from the middle of nowhere ohio. HA! i can tell this is going to be good drama from the beginning. i mean throughout the show he is just telling her what's what, and when she gets all up in his shit, he just tells her to back off. of course being that she's from ohio, she doesn't know how to handle blatant honesty and CRIES. HAHAHAHA. i know it's terrible for me to laugh, but if that mother had been from nyc or la she would have told that designer where to shove his sewing needle, not cried.

take 10

how many times do we have to go over this? i don't want to be with you anymore. why would i want to be in a fucked up unhealthy relationship again? yes before it worked when you said "i know i fucked up a good thing" and took responsibility for your actions, but not anymore. i've moved on. even though we've only had to break up 10 times. maybe this time you'll understand that you can't just call me because you "miss me". and making me feel bad because we can't be friends, thanks for that. because it's totally my fault, wait no it isn't.

is the old adage true?

so when i was in college i doubted that guys and girls could really be friends. sexual tension always got in the way. but as i became a pseudo adult i started to change my mind. so on sundays i usually spend like 5 hours at starbucks sending out resumes and writing cover letters. and there's a few other people who are usually there all afternoon too. we're like a little community of sturbucks hobos. there's this one guy who's starting to look for a new job, so we've become friends. then yesterday we're chatting about the yankees/red sox series (woop woop, yankees kick a little bosox ass!) he tells me he has tickets for a game next week, and do i want to go. sure i say. then i realize he may think this is a date. it's not that he isn't a nice guy, it's just that i thought we were more of just friends. and things with the italian are starting back up again, and i don't know if i can handle more drama.

sneaky bastards

so i go to walgreens last night to pick up my new birth control and lo and behold, they tell me it isn't covered. what!! my insurance told me over the phone that it was before, so what is the deal. of course it is nighttime, so i can't call them, so i pay the FIFTY FIVE DOLLARS and jet. but when i call anthem the next morning to inquire, they say no, it is covered, it's a tier three medication. ok- explain that i say to the woman. she says, well that indicates a sixty dollar copay. yeah, bullshit. so i say, that is more that the cost of the medication. i'm sorry is all she can say. i respond: thats a sneaky fucking way of not REALLY covering birth control, since not doing so would be against the law. she's speechless and i hang up. although i can't say i'm surprised. the same thing happened to my sister and to me before when i was on other types of birth controls. nice fucking loophole to get around the law and make women pay for bc out of their own pockets. cheap bastards. i should write them a letter and say that i've decided to use natural family planning instead, which has a success rate of about 25%. it costs tens of thousands of dollars just to have a fucking baby. one year of bc for an insurance company is cheap as hell.

trauma: life in nyc

so we had a little bit of a traumatic night tonight. not gunshot wound traumatic or anything, but bad enough. two cockroaches the size of cell phones, one that crawled right through krystal's legs, terrorized us. we only killed one. the other is still on the loose. then we found a dead mouse. christ. i thought it was a dust bunny. it was under the couch. apparently it had been there a while becaue it was petrified. yeah, we don't clean under the little couch very often. only when on the hunt for cockroaches. so we're thinking of getting a cat, even though we both hate cats and krystal is allergic. but naming it killer. short for cockroach killer.

why me?

so why is it that i seem to attract guys that once we break up, stop seeing each other, go our seperate ways, *whatever*, they seem to think it's ok to call me two, three, four weeks later. i miss you, call me, blah blah blah. wtf? why do i attract these guys?

end of my tattered rope

warning: venting ahead. so i'm looking for a new job. and i'm getting ready to lose my mind. i've been going on tons of interviews, sending out 20-some resumes a week, but seriously?! i have two years of work experience and a college degree, why can't i even get a job as a fucking assistant. i mean i have had several second interviews, and even was told "well, it was down to you and one other candidate". well woopitdy-fucking do. all this is telling me is that there is always someone more perfect in new york. bah. if i have to move back to the midwest i swear to god i will fucking kill myself.

that just ain't right

so i just checked weather.com, just to see how unbearably hot it is going to be tomorrow, and jesus h. christ! it is 2:30 in the morning and the current temperature you may ask!?!?!? 86 with a heat index of 96 fucking degrees!! at 3 in the morning! cant wait until tomorrow!