war wounds... i am getting way too old for this

so i went to a party in brooklyn this weekend. hipster-ville pretty much, it was out of control. there was even a hipster baby there. insane. she was four months old, and her name was Ace. swear to god. people in williamsburg crack me up. but apparently i don't crack them up... i saw a fucking baby coming into a house party, and i said, "see that's what happens when you drink too much and don't use a condom!" this guys just looked at me like, WTF?! i mean, what? it's true, and i was already pretty drunk.
and a half a bottle of tequila later... let's just say i woke up with a huge bruise on my knee, a scraped up elbow (ummm yeah, tequila and four inch heels just don't mix), and for some reason three of my toes are numb.... weird. and i'm pretty sure i was still drunk when i woke up, seeing as i stopped drinking at 6am, and was hungover ALL DAY. yeaaah definitely not 19 anymore.

so i might as well start smoking pot...?

from the new york times:
It was in Japan that I first heard the word "infomania," a 2005 coinage by Hewlett-Packard, whose study last May showed that compulsive e-mailing and text-messaging do more damage to the I.Q. than regular marijuana use.
dammit

worst pickup line EVER!

so worst pickup exchange EVER!!!! i'm leaving the subway station and this guy starts talking to me-
him: so, are you coming home with me?
me: umm, no, i'm going home.
him: it's just that i've been been following you since 96th and Broadway
me: what?!
him: no, wait, that came out wrong, i meant i saw you going into the subway there, and now we're here, at the same stop getting off
me: ok, well, good night
him: so... my place is this way
me: yeah that nice, good night.

an sjp moment

there's this great episode of SATC where she's walking down the street wearing a skirt and this huge gust of wind blows up her skirt and she screams. every time krystal and i see that part we say "who would scream like that?" so i'm walking down the street, wearing a skirt, and WOOOSH!! up goes my skirt and i scream just like sjp, most likely because everyone on 32nd St saw my bare ass....

this is why i love nyc...

i love it because we're in a bar and there is a guy in a bike helmut, fanny pack, shin guards, and, YES, a jockstrap on the outside of his white stretchy pants. and he is almost breakdancing with his friend with an indian headress. and NO ONE is phased... just another night out in the east village. gotta love it.

dammit hillary!

so rupurt murdoch is holding a fundraiser for hillary clinton.... wtf is going on there? i know she's running for re-election this year and probably setting up for a presidential run in 2008, but all of her centrist pandering is really starting to piss me off. murdoch and his networks and papers have done nothing but try to tear her to pieces every chance they get, and now she's accepting him and his crony's dirty money? dammit hillary, what the hell is going on here? who else are you going to make a devil's bargain with on the way to the white house? you're going to lose your base.

Big Love indeed...

from Reuters:

KARACHI, Pakistan - A Pakistani woman beheaded her husband, chopped up his body and dumped the dismembered parts in a sewerage drain after he announced plans to take a fourth wife, police said on Wednesday.
Police said Majeeda Khatoon killed her husband, a well-off building contractor, while he was asleep, and cut his body into seven pieces with the help of two male relatives in Gulshan-e-Hadeed, a township on the outskirts of the southern city of Karachi.
“When we questioned her, after the deceased’s brother came to us for help, she confessed to the crime,” police official Nazar Mohammad Mangrio told Reuters.
Khatoon, 45, was arrested late last week and has been remanded in custody while the police frame charges against her.
Khatoon said her 55-year-old husband had taken other wives and flaunted his infidelity, but she was pushed over the edge when he announced plans to take a fourth wife, according to the police officer.

talk about walk of shame

so i spent the last week in florida with the family and some of my parents friends for my mom's 50th birthday. she had a nice party on the beach, and i got to spent some quality time in the sun, so that was nice. this is of course discounting the fact that i got a pretty crazy sunburn the last day i was there. everything would've been just peachy at the party too if one of our neighbors/my parents' friend hadn't tried to sleep with me. yeah, talk about AWKWARD! at first i thought he was just friendly or drunk, or both, because he's friends with my PARENTS for christsake! but no, asking me out for drinks, being all touchy feely, and basically saying you want to take a shower with me.... ummm no. that would be weird the next morning, huh? or the next time you see my parents after banging their daughter, hmm weird.